Well, back in the day, before there was TV and stuff, especially nobles gave themseves permission to do these things, and as they got older, they sort of grew back together into this frame work of a more traditional family, sometimes just ignoring each other until someone was needed or dead. They didn't often have divorce so people just lived with it. The higher-rankng the woman was, the more she got away with. If her husband were gay, she quietly got more room too. This translates into many modern day marriages, they just don't talk about it in public and make it a thing for everyone.

I'm sorry he's this upset inside as he seems like a good guy. I'm not good with physical abuse but the statement that those who hurt, hurt, is real.