Hmm. It seems you're on the right track. There are things in play that are not discussed. Status is one of those things. Do you know about thin-slice analysis of people? Neurotypicals often make choices about who someone is immediately when they meet someone. Similar things happen online. If someone is "clocked' as neurodivergent, or simply unusual, they're immediately given less status than others. That means they're often expected to apologize or present their words in a special way or their differing ideas and opinions are not welcome.

Some people apply this same concept with being a writer or presenter versus an audience member.

Men are often offered more leeway to speak plainly and present ideas as just ideas, but with women, it's assumed they have a mission or agenda other than discussing an idea and often an emotional one and not a nice one.

Women with ADHD and Autism often don't have those agendas beyond finding an agreeable consensus. It's worse if they're frustrated in the first place with what they're reading, which can make the interaction even harder.

They also are often just treated as if they are awful instead of given more welcome methods. A man might just be annoying for not considering someone's position, but a woman is judged much more harshly and is often insulted for presenting an opinion, even if they work to make it more gentle. I do get what you're saying, but you're asking someone with a disability to find an answer to calculus without the underlying math skills. So they might know that some way to do it better does exist, and maybe reading a series of math books might get them there, but have no clue where to look, or how long it might take to discover an agreeable method that doesn't cost them the status to be treated as well as others.